Wish I Had Someone to Talk To: Finding Comfort in Lonely Moments
WISH I HAD SOMEONE TO TALK TO: FINDING COMFORT IN LONELY MOMENTS
Feelings of loneliness and isolation can be dark, it brings with it a sense that we have no one to talk to.
I think we've all felt like this at some point in our lives. At least, I've felt it at different points in my life. Like all emotions, it's pointing our attention to an aspect of ourselves or our lives that needs a little more focus.
Be thankful, knowing that your feedback loop is intact and serving you well. But read on so that you can understand what you're feeling, why you're feeling it and how you can overcome it.
THE PAIN OF FEELING ALONE
When we feel like we don't have anyone to talk to, it's quite often because there is no one in our lives that gets us. There is no one who can truly reflect back to us the essence of who we are and how we feel. And this makes us feel lonely and isolated.
The pain of feeling alone can be one of the most anguishing emotions we can feel. We're social creatures, and we need social connections. But more than that, we need people to reflect back on who we are.
It's the sense that if no one can reflect back to us who we are, who we are becomes compromised. As if we don't exist. And there is nothing more painful to the egoic program than the threat of existence.
When we understand our ego's needs, we can care for them better. This feeling like you wish you had someone to talk to is alerting you to your ego's need to be reflected, acknowledged and supported.
BUILDING A SUPPORT SYSTEM FOR MENTAL HEALTH
If we don't tend to these needs, the signals become louder. For me, many of today's mental health problems stem from a lack of understanding of this basic egoic program. When we feel like we don't have anyone to talk to, we need to address the health of our social connections and networks.
Building a support system can improve mental health by providing emotional support, validation, and a sense of belonging. Often, we get this from having a network of trusted family members and friends.
But that's not always the case. Even if you do have a good network of close friends, a best friend and a loving family, they're not always able to listen effectively and reflect back to you who you are and the essence of what you're feeling.
If this is the case, we can feel lonely even when we're surrounded by people. We can feel like we've got no one to talk to even when we have.
This is a signal that you need to reach out and widen your social connections and networks. We go through many changes in our lives. Who we are changes, what we experience changes, and how we feel changes. Our friends and family don't always keep up. Where once our friendships felt supportive, now they can no longer support us in the same way they once did.
FEELING LONELY IS AN EMOTION
The most important thing to remember is that feelings of isolation, loneliness and feeling like I haven't got anyone to talk to are all emotions that come and go. They are temporary. You won't feel like this forever.
It can be hard to remember this in our darkest moments. We tend to get consumed by our feelings. Give them some space to be, but remember that you are not your feelings. Your feelings and emotions are energy in motion, alerting you to shift your focus.
When you shift your focus and address the cause, emotions disappear. You can shift your focus temporarily very easily just by distracting yourself, but the emotion may come back. For the emotion to leave permanently, you have to address the root cause, and feeling lonely like you have no one to talk to means you have to address the social connections and networks aspect of your life.
FINDING COMFORT WHEN IT'S JUST YOU
Addressing the health of your social connections and networks takes time. So how do we cope with feeling like we've got no one to talk to in the meantime?
Practice self-compassion and self-care.
Remember, this feeling is temporary, and you have the power to address its cause.
Brainstorm ways to widen your social connections and find people who get you.
Focus on personal growth and development.
Get what you're feeling out on paper in your journal.
Do the support system exercise.
Commit to taking action to address your feelings.
OVERCOMING OBSTACLES TO CONNECTION
Like feelings of anxiety and depression, when we feel overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and isolation, we tend to go inward. We kind of batten down the hatches to ride out the storm. But this is a fight, freeze or flight response. And while natural can create obstacles to connection, the antidote to feeling lonely and isolated.
In other words, your instinct can be counter-productive and even detrimental to coming out of your dark moments of feeling lonely. It's not a great idea to go inwards. When we feel like we have no one to talk to, we need to muster up all our energy and reach out to friends and social networks.
Remembering that we all feel like we need a friend to talk to and that we all feel lonely at times can help you feel connected to people in your life. The people around you might not get you, but if you're explicit about your needs, they'll be happy to listen.
Reaching out to others when you need help is a brave and necessary step towards building a strong support system.
SEEKING HELP
Despite how we might feel, there is always someone to talk to and someone to listen to you. It's more a case of finding a platform, a number or picking a person and taking action.
Exploring online forums, support groups, and therapy options is a convenient and accessible way to connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
Utilising hotlines and crisis services if you have suicidal thoughts is crucial. They can give you immediate support and guidance and help you feel connected.
Finding comfort in faith and spiritual communities can be a source of hope and understanding for many people.
When you just need someone to talk to, there are hotlines and professionals who are waiting for your call, but you have to pick up the phone.
Deeply reflecting on the people in your life might turn up some unexpected people you can reach out to. Perhaps an old friend who has gone through what you're going through, a distant relative you always liked or new friends who would appreciate deepening their connection with you.
Therapists, counsellors and coaches are there to listen to you. That's what they do. They ask questions so that you can talk about what's going on for you. And they listen. They are trained and skilled at listening and reflecting back to you what you've shared. They help you not only understand yourself but also feel seen and heard, so talking with them can be very powerful.
EMOTIONS VS PERCEPTIONS
While loneliness is an emotion, feeling like we've got no one to talk to is more of a perception. Emotions alert our attention to areas of ourselves and our lives that need more focus. Perceptions are how we interpret the world around us. Perceptions should not always be trusted. While you may feel like you've got no one to talk to, hopefully, the list above has demonstrated otherwise. You could find something on the list to help you take action and move forward right now.
MOVING FORWARD AND OVERCOMING LONELINESS
Creating a plan for staying connected and supported, deepening current relationships, and building new ones are crucial to maintaining good mental health and overcoming feelings of not having anyone to talk to.
Working with a coach will speed up this process and give you a sense that you have someone to talk to in your life right now. A coach will help you identify the areas of your life that are lacking, like your social connections and networks, help you create an action plan for improving it, and keep you focused, on track, and accountable. All the while supporting you and ensuring that you have someone you can talk to.
Celebrating small victories and milestones in this process can help you stay positive and motivated. Focusing on the future and the possibility of change is the key to overcoming feelings of hopelessness and despair in your loneliness.
INSIGHT HIGHLIGHTS
Everyone feels lonely at some point in their lives, and feeling like we've got no one to talk to in these moments is normal. That's just one of the many things that connect us as human beings. While it's hard to reach out and talk to people in our darkest moments, it is crucial to overcome feelings of isolation.
Remember, these feelings will pass; there is always someone to talk to, and you can do something about how you're feeling. Feelings are just signals telling you there's something you need to address. Take charge of the ship, make an action plan, and start connecting with people; we all need connections, and maybe they'll be grateful.
Thanks for reading, and as always, keep striving for growth and well-being, and never settle for less!
How I Can Help
If you’re struggling with loneliness and need someone to talk to, use the WhatsApp widget or the button at the top to reach out. I help people like you identify the weak spots in their social connections and networks and then create a strategy to make them more holistic and reflective of who you are today.
I’m here to listen to you, and help you understand who you are, what you need and where you’re going. Together, we’ll get you on your journey towards becoming the best version of yourself and having a life that reflects your true self. So let’s get started.
