Why Killing the Ego is Not the Answer
If you’re desperate to kill the ego after having a spiritual experience that blew your mind, you’re not alone. Tasting that oneness and bliss makes the ego seem like the only thing standing in the way of your divine self. And once we’ve experienced the truth of who we are, we just want to destroy the ego. We want rid of it.
But here’s the thing, killing the ego is not the answer, and I’ll tell you why.
THE DESIRE TO KILL YOUR EGO
We’ve always had an ego, and now all of a sudden we want rid of it. Before, we didn’t even know what it was. Now it’s our biggest block to living a life of pure bliss. And we’re consumed by this desperate need to destroy it.
This often happens after a sudden spiritual awakening, like a mystical experience or a psychedelic experience of ego death. It’s probably the most profound experience on the path of spiritual growth and transformation. It’s what some people call enlightenment. You are enlightened to this thing called ego that’s getting in the way of your true self and liberation. You are enlightened to what could be. Enlightened to your true self, pure bliss, oneness and universal consciousness.
Well, if we want rid of something, we need to know exactly what we’re getting rid of. And if you knew that you might, just change your mind.
So, what is the ego?
THE EGO AND SPIRITUALITY
In spirituality, the ego is often viewed as the illusory self, a construct of thoughts, desires, and identities that separates us from universal consciousness. It fuels attachment and suffering, obstructing connection to the divine or true self.
It’s this spiritual view that drives us to want to kill the ego. Sadly, in spirituality, the ego is given little value, and it is seen as nothing more than a hindrance to finding inner peace, liberation, and enlightenment.
It is the enemy of our spiritual desires and must be killed. But let’s not kill your ego just yet.
THE EGO IS UNDER-RATED
Because this is a very simplistic view of the ego. It doesn’t give the whole story. And it's kinda not very spiritual, is it? Love, peace, and compassion to all, except my ego – something is not quite right here. Waging war on a part of us can’t be the answer.
This view comes from a fundamental misunderstanding of the ego and why you have one.
WHAT IS THE EGO
In modern psychology, the ego is seen as the self-aware, executive part of personality that organises our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. It integrates conscious and unconscious processes, balancing personal desires with social realities.
Unlike Freud’s strict id-ego-superego model, the ego is often viewed as a dynamic self-concept shaped by experiences, culture, and relationships. It guides decision-making and identity while adapting to external demands.
CHARACTERISTICS OF EGO
But my characterisation of the ego is somewhat different. While I agree with modern psychology, I take it a step further. For me, the ego is best explained as a program. What I call the egoic program. It’s an interface that enables us, as spiritual beings, to live in this physical world with a physical body.
Without it, we would not survive. Its sole purpose is to keep us alive, to construct a sense of a real physical self existing in a real physical world.
IS THE EGO GOOD OR BAD?
The ego is neither good nor bad; it just is. It has a job to do, and it does it quite efficiently. You can thank your ego for keeping you alive. You’ve got to this point because of your ego, not despite your ego.
Where many people get it wrong is thinking that because the ego stands in the way of universal consciousness, it’s evil and must be destroyed.
Yes, the ego works against you experiencing universal consciousness. Yes, the ego causes you lots of suffering. Yes, the ego keeps you in the physical plane. Yes, the ego will fight tooth and nail to keep your attention in the world of Maya. But that doesn’t make it bad.
It makes it good at doing its job. Once we respect and appreciate this, we can work with it.
YOUR EGO WANTS TO DESTROY ITSELF IN SERVICE OF YOU
Do you know, the most ironic thing is that when you say you want to destroy the ego, it is the ego talking? Oneness doesn’t want to destroy the ego, oneness doesn’t want to kill the ego, and oneness doesn’t need the ego to dissolve.
Your ego is your servant. Despite the common ego struggles it may embody, it’s here to work for you and to protect you. It is a program. If you want enlightenment, it will help you get enlightenment. It will serve you and be your teacher. It will expose itself so that you can see it, observe it, and overcome it.
MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR EGO
It’s time to turn that hatred into love. The first step is to recognise that our ego is our biggest cheerleader. By acknowledging all the work it does to keep us alive, we can stop being at war with it, which is just a distraction anyway and anchors us into the physical plane and more suffering.
Feeling gratitude for the work the ego does to keep us alive will bring instant inner peace. It’s ironic, but it's true. You want enlightenment and inner peace? Embrace your ego, make peace with it, and feel gratitude toward it.
KILLING THE EGO VERSUS MASTERING THE EGO
So, now we know, killing the ego is not the answer. What is?
We don’t want to kill the ego. We want to work with it, have it be our servant, and have it work for us on the physical plane without taking us hostage.
The more we understand about how the egoic program operates, the more we can master the ego and orient ourselves more towards non-duality, universal consciousness and sacred truth.
THE EGO VS UNIVERSAL CONSCIOUSNESS
The ego fears the end of the physical body, for that is also its death. It’s a survival program with the sole purpose of survival, which means it constantly calculates threat levels and lives in fear.
If you’ve had a mystical experience, you’ll have some deeper insight about the truth of reality and the nature of ego. You will have tasted non-duality, oneness and universal consciousness. In this state, there is no death, no fear, no need for survival.
The more we live in the state of oneness, the less we need the ego to protect us. For oneness does not live in fear. And oneness cannot die. The ego then, naturally, falls away. Ego dissolution is the natural byproduct of living in universal consciousness.
On the gradual path of reorienting and spiritual transformation, we become less dependent on the ego for survival. How wonderful for the ego to be able to take a holiday, take a break from the constant service you have demanded.
So, in the name of making peace with your ego, let's explore how you can reduce your dependence on it and give it a holiday.
THE EGO AND SPIRITUAL PRACTICES
Lucky for us, we’re not the first to reach this point. For thousands of years, people have recognised the benefits of orienting themselves towards universal consciousness and becoming less dependent on the ego. They’ve discovered many methods to that end—what we call spiritual practices.
Spiritual practices like meditation aim to transcend the ego and foster humility, unity, and awareness of a higher reality beyond personal boundaries and material concerns. They gradually orient us towards universal consciousness.
MEDITATION
Meditation is a discipline that changes how our brains are wired. Instead of being wired to the ego’s needs of irrational fear and survival at all costs, meditation rewires our brains for effortless joy, inner peace, and the thrill of being on a physical plane.
Scientifically, meditation makes our brains sharper, more accurate, and rational. Our perception of the world becomes less clouded by the ego’s agenda. Freeing up operating power so that our perception is more aligned with truth and reality than it is with a program biased towards survival at all costs.
It reduces the load by reducing inner chatter and the constant narrative, freeing up operating power to live in the present moment rather than the past or the future. We balance out our top-down and bottom-up processing, which brings us into the present moment, for what really is, not what we perceive it to be.
MINDFULNESS
Mindfulness is a powerful practice for staying in the present moment. We learn to be the kindly witnesses and silent observers. It teaches us to live more from presence than from ego. To be mindful is to be in the state of conscious awareness without identifying with ego. The more we practice mindfulness, the more we orient ourselves towards beingness.
OTHER SPIRITUAL PRACTICES
Of course, there are many other spiritual practices that you can adopt. Embodied practices like yoga, tai chi, Qi Gong, and breathwork teach us to be in the present moment and observe whatever arises. Again, they orient us to universal consciousness. These practices have the potential to give the ego an immediate holiday.
Reading spiritual literature and scriptures or listening to spiritual teachers on podcasts and videos is also very powerful. Many misconceptions in contemporary spirituality lead you down useless paths that waste time. Use discernment when choosing what to read and who to listen to. The ego likes anything that makes it feel good, but the spiritual path often doesn’t feel good.
INNER WORK
Inner work is a combination of spiritual practices and psychological work. In transpersonal psychology, we know that you need both. But psychological work doesn’t feel good. Sadly, it’s messy but necessary. You can only transcend to the extent you have descended into your psyche. The more you get to know your egoic program, the more you can catch it out when it's not working for you.
Psychological work exposes your ego's irrational fear-based settings. Use your ego to help you disband these settings. Your ego will point to what needs fixing and healing. Give space and time to what is arising, and work with it lovingly and kindly.
HAVING A HEALTHY EGO
Jack Engler said, "You have to be somebody before you can be nobody". Having a healthy ego is really important. Like I said, it's a survival program, and your ego’s job is to protect your identity and sense of self. If it's not healthy, we'll flounder in this world.
Inner work helps us develop a healthy ego. This doesn't mean we have an inflated ego or a spiritual ego; it means we have a healthy sense of self. The ego represents who we are in this physical plane, in the external world. When we work on our psyche and gravitate towards universal consciousness, the ego acts accordingly. It serves us where we are, and if that's in universal consciousness, that's where it will serve us.
REMEMBER THE EGO IS YOUR FRIEND
Trying to destroy or kill the ego will only take you further away from awakening and liberation. Making peace with your ego and seeing it for what it really is is a powerful step along the spiritual path. Your ego is there to serve you. Use it as a tool in learning to orient yourself to universal consciousness. But most importantly, extend the same love, kindness, and gratitude to your ego as you would anyone whose sole purpose is to serve and protect you.
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